Cue Chaos

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A vast collection of various technical theatre stories and jokes.

"If all the world's a stage, where does the audience sit?"

1. Jock + Theatre Geek Family Conversation

   • Me: Oh, I'm so tired. We did a two hour physical warmup today. It was awesome, but I'm so sweaty right now. Ha.
   • Little Jock Sister: WHA?! It only takes us fifteen minutes to warm up for volleyball! What could you have been doing for that long?
   • Me: Ha ha ha. Oh, jock. You'll never understand....
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Reblogged: thinktheatre

2. stuckwithinadream asked: great blog! i've been doing technical theatre since i was a freshman in high school, and i've been doing ever since. i'm going to school for it now, and i just finished my first year of college. if its what you love, make a career out of it! :)

   Thank you :D

   I do play to go in to theatre as a career, but I’m pursuing theatre education.

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3. cuntwrapsupreme asked: I stage managed my school’s production of Throughly Modern Millie this year. Which has accounted to probably be the most stressful time of my life. My school doesn’t have a lot of people wanting to be techies. Our thespian society is FULL of actors and only like three of us do tech things. Making the amount of stagehands not plenty. All of the techies only do lights and sound, I’m the only one who wants to be on stage moving shit. But ANYWAYS one of our seniors had a project in which he was to design and build all of the set. Well with that happening and our school’s shortage of stagehands, let me just say the set wasn’t finished until five minutes before the house opened on our first night. After EVERY rehearsal during tech week the designer, his advisor, some random band kids, a parent, four actors, and myself stayed after till about one o’clock to try and finish the set. It was a sheer miracle that we succeeded in the set looking great. Especially when my director told me I wasn’t getting a set crew and that actors would have to move set. …you all know actors will NOT stick around to move set. So my designer, two random stagehands, and like one actor helped with the million set changes. I’m surprised I survived that week.

   As a fellow stage manager, I know those moments too well. Good thing everything turned out alright!

4. During my second production of Beauty and the Beast, I was forced into pushing the castle one night, because the usual guy didn’t show up for rehearsal. (The set was a giant rotating castle, moved by stagehands pushing it from the inside) I had done it for the first production, so no biggie. Except I didn’t have my steel toe boots, just my Chucks. During Be Our Guest, the castle began it’s turn, and my heel got caught under it. I yelled at the other guy who was pushing to stop while i pulled my heel out. Everything would have been fine, except for the actors. The thought running through their little heads must have been something like, “Well the castle isn’t moving like it’s supposed to, let’s help the techs by pushing it from the outside!” Since they were singing, they didn’t hear my screams of pain as my foot got dragged under the castle. 

5. Please submit your Theatre stories to Que Chaos. Whether you’re a stage manager, director, light tech, sound tech, or even an actor, we want to share your funny stories.

6. Theatrical Definitions Pt. 6

   Hands
   Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one’s environment, except on a stage, where they grow six
   times their normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets

   Strike
   The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew members are required to stay and dismantle, or watch the two people who own Makita screw drivers dismantle, the set.

   Actors (As defined by a set designer)
   People who stand between the audience and the set designer’s art, blocking the view. That’s also the origin of the word “blocking,” by the way.

   Stage Right, Stage Left
   Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors crazy. (“No, no, your OTHER stage right!”)

   Gaff Tape

   A techie’s best friend, holds the universe together.
   

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7. 

   fyeahbackstagebadger

   (Source: thebackstagebadger)

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Reblogged: thebackstagebadger

8. During a production of Fiddler on the Roof, the fader on the spotlight broke. We duck taped a piece of cardboard to the front of it and flipped it down instead of closing the spot.

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9. Theatrical Definitions Pt. 5

   Monologue
   That shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him

   Dark Night
   The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors and crew can go home and get some well-deserved rest, and instead spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they’re sure they needed one more rehearsal.

   Bit Part
   An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody else’s lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in the show.

   Green Room
   Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the precocious children whose actor parents couldn’t get a
   baby-sitter that night, a situation which can result in justifiable homicide.

   Dark Spot
   An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.

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10. Theatrical Definitions Pt. 4

    Stage Crew
    Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic.

    Message Play
    Any play which its director describes as “worthwhile,” “a challenge to actors and audience alike,” or “designed to make the audience think.” Critics will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since they’re likely to have the house all to themselves.

    Bedroom Farce
    Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set sports a lot of doors.   The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature the phrase “typical community theater fare” in the opening paragraph, are followed paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule more performances to accommodate the overflow crowds.

    Assistant Director
    Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else would take on a bet, such as working one-on-one with the brain-dead actor whom the rest of the cast has threatened to take out   a contract on.

    Set Piece
    Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both anchor themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually have legs

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